I’ve been listening to more emo recently. It seems like it’s mostly screamo and midwestern emo/math rock. And it’s not just American bands either. Asunojokei, a Japanese band has two albums that I absolutely love. So far my favorite albums are Wish, Your Arms Are My Cacoon, For Ryan. Maybe, I like it because it s comfortable you know? Kind of like shoegaze. It gives you that homey feeling like teenage nostalgia. Now that I look back I’m not surprised I like emo so much. I used to criticize both metal and emo because it was just noise it had no meaning. But noise can have meaning can't it? The sound can make you feel things not just the lyrics.
Taking down message boards, directories, groups and the like on the internet is erasing history. Many historical events happened on the internet. The internet itself is one of the greats in history. Many reddit message boards like r/GenZDong have been banned off reddit. That means viewpoints and discussions have been erased from history. The premise of the board was Chinese Socialists speaking as pro-CCP. Of course reddit does not allow any time of free speech just like all the other social media companies out there. So they banned it, and no one so far has any digital remnant of the board. The only evidence the board actually existed is in the minds of the people that participated on the board. Since time immemorial people have tried to either rewrite or erase history they disapprove of. Socrates being one of the oldest testaments of this fact was killed because the elders disapproved of his teachings. The only reason we know him and his teaching is because his students wrote it down and spread it. But imagine if they didn’t. And the only recollection of his teachings were in his head. Even if they passed onto their children the human mind can only remember so much at a time. Ironically the Greeks travelled to Egypt and broke the nose off of all the statues. Just because they didn’t want people to know that the people who built those statues were black not Greek. Some people might say that the internet how expanded the reach of misinformation. To some degree they are right, but social Darwinism was also written down and published as fact in European societies even though their finding are completely false. And you may ask “ If it isn’t true why was it publish and peer reviewed by scientists and psychologists?”. Well that’s misinformation for you. Even the history books are false, they push these false narratives and history to you and you never question them. The one who write the history books writes the past, rewrites it, deletes it, it never existed if I didn’t put it there. Everyday lives of people are filled with contradictions. No one can get their facts straight and even if they are correct there is someone who will make you doubt it.
Prom happens in May. I asked mom and she said she will talk to dad about it. What does she need to talk to dad for? I came out to her a few weeks ago and we haven’t talked about my sexuality since. I don’t know if I should bring it up to her. Everything has been going smoothly so far but I don’t want her to get mad again. If mom lets me go to prom I might ask Charlee to be my date. But first I need to get close to her. I’ve had a crush on her for a while and she’s really friendly to me. When I started my speech for presidential election for NHS she smiled. Once I finished my speech she smiled as well and clapped for me. After the meeting was over she congratulated me through text. She was the only one to send me a text after we met at the Walpole office. She invited me to the discord and welcomed me. She really seemed interested my I joined the student council. Does she like me? I don’t know. She could be taken already and have a date for prom. I know Avery and Ash are dating and went to prom last year. I’m worried she’ll say no. Or that I’ll have to invite Ahena to prom. On cider I found a blazer that looked really nice. I definitely don’t want to show up in a dress. Maybe I should wear a tie to make my outfit more formal. One the internet is fixed I’ll have to replace the one I found because the colors don’t match. Charlee’s style is really colorful and kidcore like. She will probably show up in something pink. Even if she says yes to go to prom, I can’t ask her out. Mom would definitely say no for me dating. And her being a girl? It’s out of the question. But even if Mom says yes to me dating Charlee, does Charlee even like me back? I should post in the Discord and text her more. Maybe that will make her warm up to me. This is my second girl crush I’ve had. Girl crush kind of sounds weird though. The first one was some years ago. I saw her during MCAS testing. I web mailed her because I found her in the school directory. She gave me her socials and we talked. I never told her how much I liked her though. She’s gone now and I will probably never see her or speak to her again.
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